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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554092">Cry For Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht'>Polarnacht</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rise &amp; Fall [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Bloodplay, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark, Dom Jace Wayland, Explicit Language, Extremism, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Sub Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:48:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554092</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Valentine and his Circle win the battle later known as the Uprising. Slowly, the Circle takes over political control over the Clave and the Shadow World, replacing Institute and Enclave Heads with trusted followers. When Aldertree, a devoted Circle member, becomes the Head of the New York Institute, he brings other Circle Shadowhunters with him – among them Jace Herondale, Valentine’s godson. </p><p>Confronted with different beliefs than the ones he has been raised with, Jace is forced to decide on which side he stands. </p><p>Though Alec knows that Jace is part of the enemy, he cannot help but fall – hoping that Jace is there to catch him if he ever hits the ground. </p><p>A story about love &amp; hatred, control &amp; submission, remorse &amp; redemption.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rise &amp; Fall [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Banned Together Bingo 2020, Hunter's Moon Fic Recs</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story is heavily influenced by the song "Schrei nach Liebe" (Cry For Love) from the German punk rock band "Die Ärzte". The English version of the song at the beginning of the fic is based on the cover version from "human voices". I really recommend listening to the song - the German version is totally different from the English cover version when it comes to the musical approach, but I have to say I do like both. For the original lyrics please refer to the notes at the end.</p><p>Fanart by Miss_Shiva_Adler 💙💙💙</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The amazing art is from Miss_Shiva_Adler - thank you so much for this!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Cry for love</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>You’re really fucking stupid</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s why you’re feeling good</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your attitude is hatred</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Always angry, boiling blood</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everything needs explanation</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Cause you have no fucking clue</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Probably not even what’s the meaning of attitude</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Your violence is just a silent cry for love</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your combat boots just long for a loving and gentle touch</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’ve never learned how to articulate yourself, no</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then your parents never cared for you too much</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh oh oh </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Asshole</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Why are you afraid of caressing</em>
</p><p>
  <em> This nonsense isn’t smart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Under laurel crown with acorns </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know beats your heart</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Romanticism is for you </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not just simple theory</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Between Störkraft and the Onkelz </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have a cuddle rock LP</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Your violence is just a silent cry for love</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your combat boots just long for a loving and gentle touch</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’ve never learned how to articulate yourself, no</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then your parents never cared for you too much</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh oh oh </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Asshole</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Because you got problems nobody cares about</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Cause you’re afraid of cuddling, you’re a fascist shit</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don’t project your self-hatred on to others</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So no one sees that you as a nice guy could exist</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Your violence is just a silent cry for love</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your combat boots just long for a loving and gentle touch</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You’ve never learned how to articulate yourself, no</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then your girlfriend never cares for you too much</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh oh oh</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Asshole, asshole, asshole</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chapter 1</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The Shadow World was at the brink of war. After Valentine Morgenstern’s Circle had managed to prevent the renewal of the Accords between Clave and Downworld, killing many Downworlders and Downworld-friendly Shadowhunters in the process, the Circle had gained more and more influence in the Shadow World. Valentine had managed to implement his second-in-command, Malachi Dieudonné, as the Inquisitor, giving him the power over the Soul Sword together with the whole justice system. </p><p>Gradually, Malachi had reduced the rights of the Downworlders until they were barely existent anymore. Supporters of the Accords, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, had mysteriously vanished or been captured breaking Clave law. The Inquisitor hadn’t shown any mercy. They had all been executed, Malachi not even bothering to de-rune Shadowhunters; just killing the ones found guilty.</p><p>Soon the Circle became the biggest political influence, taking over more and more Shadowhunter Enclaves throughout the world. Enclaves were responsible for local political decisions and ruled over one or several smaller countries. In nearly all major countries, and thus cities, the Circle had been able to appoint one of their own as the Head of the Enclave.</p><p>More and more Shadowhunters were seen with the red Circle rune engraved in their necks, showing their allegiance to Valentine Morgenstern and his cause. At the beginning, there had been more resistance. Supporters of the Circle had been in the minority and had held back with their opinion. But with every loyal Clave Shadowhunter vanishing or being executed, more Shadowhunters joined the Circle; either to protect themselves and their loved ones or because they were true believers.</p><p>The Clave had underestimated the power this new wing amongst their own held. They had never thought possible that a small group of Shadowhunters would overthrow their old power system. But they had underestimated Valentine and the grudge many older Shadowhunters still held for having to give up the right to do with Downworlders as they pleased. For many, Valentine was the long-lost hope to reestablish the angel given superiority over the Downworld.</p><p>The only thing that was missing from Valentine’s complete control over the Shadow World was the post of the Consul. But elections were due soon and he and most of his followers didn’t doubt who would win this election.</p><p>As one of the last major cities, Valentine was able to seize control over New York. Europe, being closer to Idris, the homeland not only to the Shadowhunters as a whole but to Valentine as well, had been his first target. He had installed rather quickly his most trustworthy followers throughout Europe; Southern Europe was run by Stephen Herondale and his wife Céline, Northern Europe by the Truebloods, England and Ireland by Hodge Starkweather, and the Scandinavian Island by the Dearborn family.</p><p>New York was still in the hands of the Lightwoods. Once they had been Valentine’s allies, but they had abandoned the Circle after the Uprising, no longer supporting his more extreme actions. But things were about to change. Valentine had gained enough votes from the Council to replace the Lightwoods with one of his most trusted followers – Victor Aldertree.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Valentine was the first to step through the portal in New York, flanked by Victor Aldertree and Aldertree’s second-in-command, Horace Dearborn. Behind them were several other Circle members who would help them run the Institute and make sure that each local Shadowhunter knew whose rules to follow. All bore the red Circle rune.</p><p>“Maryse. Robert. What a pleasure to see you again.” Valentine smirked coldly at his old friends. </p><p>From the grim expressions on their faces, it was clear that the pleasure was not mutual. They had been informed by the Clave that a delegation was to be expected but they had not been informed who was coming or why. </p><p>When Maryse saw Valentine stepping through the portal she sighed inwardly, embracing herself for what was to come. She was not blind; she had seen what had happened to other opponents of the Circle. She quickly glanced at her two children, who stood behind her; Alec in his usual soldier-like stance, back straight and his arms held behind him, and Izzy in a more relaxed position, her hands at her hip. Both wore the blank expressions of people who knew that something unpleasant was going to happen but who were not able to prevent it. Maryse wondered if she would ever see her children again.</p><p>“Valentine. What an honor to have you here.” Maryse forced her voice into a pleasant tone.</p><p>“I fear it will be a quick honor.” Valentine stepped closer, his smirk widened to a predatory smile. “The Clave replaces you and your husband, Maryse. Victor and Horace will take over. There have been…irregularities in your leadership. I have to say, I am not surprised.” </p><p>Maryse swallowed hard; she knew what those words meant. They were as good as a death sentence. Her hand jerked a little, as if to reach for her hidden blade.</p><p>“Oh, I wouldn’t do that, Maryse. So far only you and your husband were reported to be untrue to the Clave. Would be a shame if this expanded to your lovely children.” He glared pointedly at Alec and Izzy.</p><p>Maryse felt Alec tense behind her but before he could say or do anything stupid, she stepped forward, her hands in the air. “That won’t be necessary. I am sure these irregularities can be explained easily.”</p><p>Valentine smiled. “I knew you would cooperate. It’s so nice to have children, isn’t it? So you agree to come back to Idris with us to answer to your deeds?” </p><p>Both Lightwoods confirmed with a curt nod, there was nothing they could do about it. They still answered to the Clave and a part of them hoped that they still had enough allies in the Council to clear this up. Whatever <em>this</em> was. With one last pointy look at their children to remind them what was at stake here, the Lightwoods stepped through the portal together with Valentine and some of his followers.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec gritted his teeth. He had to collect every inch of his willpower to just stand there and not step forward; and punch the grin off Valentine’s face. They had talked about the possibility of this happening but all of them had hoped that their influence, the influence of the Lightwood name, was still strong enough to prevent this. At least,as long as the old Consul was still in charge, they had felt safe. A false hope, as he had come to realize.</p><p>But his mother’s glare had been clear; he was to stand by and take care of his sister – and himself. He knew without a doubt that Valentine would find a way to convict them too, if he wanted. If Alec had found something to stick to their flawless, law-obedient parents then they would surely find something on him and Izzy. Especially Izzy, who was known for her Downworlder flings. A fact that the New York Enclave had so far ignored but which Alec feared no longer. Aldertree had been installed not only as the new Head of the Institute but also as the new Head of the Eastcoast Enclave.</p><p>Alec had heard about Aldertree. He was a ruthless man who followed Valentine blindly. Horace Dearborn, on the contrary, was a dark horse; but Alec didn’t doubt his allegiance to the Circle. The underlings they had brought all looked like perfect soldiers. Muscular, trained, and all with the rigid stance of willing warriors – and of course all had the red Circle rune carved into their skin. Alec and Izzy had also been raised like soldiers, but he could clearly see a difference between them and himself and his sister. The underlings seemed like robots and, most probably, that was exactly the reason why they had also been picked to help run the New York Institute.</p><p>Only one of them seemed slightly out of place. Though he was dressed like the others in black combat boots with white laces, black leather bomber jacket and black shirt, there was a certain swagger to his movements that showed he was not the average soldier, but something else. What or who he was, Alec still had to find out. When the blond looked up and their eyes met, Alec drew in a sharp breath. He found himself staring into piercing blue eyes, the left one sparkled with a hint of gold. They had a gleam in them that Alec could not quite place, but he felt his body react to it, as if these eyes held him captive with an unknown force.</p><p>When Aldertree gave the command to show the new arrivals their rooms, Alec let out the breath he had not been aware he was holding. As quickly as possible, but without appearing to run, he turned around and left the Ops Center. A hard time was laying ahead of them.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He was proven right. The new Circle Shadowhunters equaled the old ones in number, more or less. Soon, some of their old friends pledged their allegiance to the new regime, a few even going so far as to get the Circle rune themselves. All wore the same uniform. Not totally different to standard Shadowhunter gear but the difference was noticeable: bomber jackets instead of biker jackets, simple shirts, and tight workwear trousers tucked into shinbone-high combat boots. Everything in black except for the boot’s white laces, which stood out in harsh contrast to the overall black.</p><p>Others stayed loyal to the Lightwoods and their old beliefs about Shadowhunters and Downworlders being equal. Yet, most of them didn’t disobey Aldertree directly. He had the mandate of the Clave; disobeying meant de-runing at best and execution at worst, even without Valentine getting involved.</p><p>Though Aldertree didn’t go against Alec and Izzy openly, it was clear that he wouldn’t mind getting rid of them. They both got the most dangerous assignments but to Aldertree’s surprise, they always came back alive. Bruised and wounded, but alive. Alec knew that a lot of people underestimated him and Izzy. She, who was always wearing heels to fight in, was often reduced to her optics. But Izzy was one of the most fearless and skilled fighters of their generation. Alec’s own weapon of choice, the bow, made him weak in the eyes of many. But he and Izzy clicked, they had each other’s backs. Maybe the most important thing in a mission.</p><p>To his dismay, Aldertree seemed to have noticed that too and started to pair them with others, most of the time Circle members. Being the children of the former Head, they didn’t have a good stand with them. Alec loathed being on missions with strangers. He didn’t trust them; sometimes it seemed that, rather than him returning alive, they would prefer the other way round. Yet, so far at least, no one had tried to act openly against him or Izzy. Alec thought that their name still held some protection.</p><p>What troubled Alec even more than having to fight with Circle members, and put up with their disgusting beliefs, was one particular Shadowhunter. Alec had soon learned that the blond with the mismatched eyes was the godchild of Valentine and son of Céline Herondale, the ruthless Head of the Enclave in Southern Europe. Even though it was Stephen who carried the Herondale name by birth, it was clear who was in charge: Céline. She was feared among Downworlders and Shadowhunters alike for not showing mercy in any direction. She believed in blind followership, in strict discipline, and complete obedience towards Valentine. She ruled with a strict hand, not caring about getting her own hands dirty.</p><p>It seemed she had raised her son the same: Jace Herondale was a fierce warrior, never questioning the orders he was given. He was strong and skilled; sometimes it seemed he had hidden powers no other Shadowhunter possessed. Alec couldn’t help but be intrigued by him. When he trained, often alone as he didn’t seem to have many friends, Alec couldn’t help but notice the way his muscles moved under his skin or the way his eyes shone while lost in a fight. And he couldn’t help but notice that Jace looked back at him with a small smile on his lips, a raised eyebrow, and a provoking gleam in his eyes.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec was practicing with his bow when he heard the door to the training room open. He didn’t turn around but kept shooting. Basically, he didn’t need the practice, every arrow hit the target, but it always had a soothing effect on him. And he could do with some soothing. News from Idris was frightening. It seemed they wanted to put his parents on trial for treason – a treason they hadn’t committed.</p><p>In addition, Alec had noticed the way things had changed in New York and continued to change, like the way Downworlders were treated now. He heard the screams from the holding cells and he had seen the small trophy collection in Aldertree’s office. He felt it would soon be time to decide where he stood. He still hoped that the other candidate to run for Consul next to Valentine, Jia Penhallow, would win the election and turn the tables. But his hope diminished more the longer he saw the oiled Circle machinery at work. If Valentine was elected, Alec would need to make a decision, but if he was honest, there was not really something to decide. He wanted to protect Izzy but he was sure she would also not support a Clave under the regime of Valentine. He was not ready to give up his humanity to support someone with Valentine’s beliefs.</p><p>Without having to think about it, Alec had drawn another arrow from his quiver, and was aiming at the target, when he felt the presence of someone close to him.</p><p>“Alec.”</p><p>Alec felt a shiver run down his spine and his skin broke out in goosebumps as soon as he heard his name spoken in this seductive, low growl. He let the arrow fly and missed the bullseye, not by much. But enough to be noticeable after the flawless other shots.</p><p>He turned around slightly, though he knew who had approached him. Jace was still watching him, a smirk on his face, while he strolled over to the punching bag. With a seductive wink in his direction, he pulled his shirt over his head and started to work the bag with a bare chest.</p><p>Alec pulled another arrow out of his quiver and nocked it. He tried his best but his eyes found their way back to the punching bag, where Jace landed one punch after the other. A thin layer of sweat was covering his muscular body. Alec bit down hard on his lip to keep himself from staring. With all his willpower, he dragged his eyes back to his target. Two more arrows left his bow. Both hit the target spot on. Relieved, Alec let out a sigh before he went to collect his arrows.</p><p>On his way back, he could not help but stare. Jace was dancing in front of the bag, altering kicks with punches. And just in time, he turned around to catch Alec’s eyes. A smirk spread over his face before he stepped back and headed directly towards him.</p><p>“Like what you see?”</p><p>Jace invaded his personal space, letting his gaze roam over Alec’s body approvingly. Jace was too close. Not close enough. All Alec could do was nod.</p><p>
  <em>Hell yeah.</em>
</p><p>Alec felt his breathing quicken under the hot stare. Nearly involuntarily, his tongue darted out and he licked over his dry mouth. Jace’s grin widened while his eyes followed every movement, taking in the partly opened lips. He took another step forward but Alec didn’t retreat. He held his ground and both boys stared at each other, frozen in this moment of heat. Alec could see the small drops of sweat on Jace’s lips and all he wanted to do was lean in and kiss them away. Alec swallowed hard and Jace’s eyes followed the movement of his Adam’s apple with a hungry expression in his eyes, his breath picking up. Just before he could take another step forward, the door to the training room opened and two Shadowhunters spilled in. With a low, annoyed growl Jace turned around and left, leaving Alec behind, completely undone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec groaned while he pulled the torn gear from his body in the locker room. The mission had been rough. He had been out with two Circle members to fight a nest of ravener demons. He had several cuts and bruises – nothing dramatic but his body ached and he longed for a hot shower and some more Iratzes.</p><p>He examined his upper body. One cut was deeper than expected. He fished his Stele out of his back pocket and sat down to apply an Iratze when he heard someone approach. He looked up to find the two fellow Shadowhunters, with whom he had gone hunting, towering over him, unpleasant smiles on their faces.</p><p>“I wouldn’t do that. Leave it like it is. In fact, I think we should add some more. Looks so much prettier, don’t you think?” Alec heard the distinctive sound of a butterfly knife snapping open.</p><p>He swore silently; his weapons lay out of his reach, yet he was not overly concerned. The others might think he was a coward, or an unskilled fighter, but he knew what he was capable of in one-on-one combat. He was about to jump to his feet when he felt the blade of the second Shadowhunter on his throat.</p><p>“Stay where you are.” To emphasize his words, the Shadowhunter pressed a little deeper and Alec felt his skin give in and small drops of blood spill out of the wound.</p><p>The two laughed but before they could carry on they were interrupted. Someone had approached them without anyone noticing.</p><p>“What is going on here?” Jace’s cold voice rang through the room and Alec closed his eyes briefly in relief. Even though he didn’t know what to make of Jace, he was fairly sure that he would not join in.</p><p>“We’re just having a bit of fun with one of the Lightwoods.”</p><p>Jace stepped closer, his eyes on fire and every muscle in his body ready to attack.</p><p>“The Lightwoods are off limits.” His tone was cutting and left no room for speculation.</p><p>“Who says that?”</p><p>“I say that. And remember who my mother is. Remember who my godfather is. Remember who <em>I</em> am.” To emphasize his words, Jace jumped forward, grabbed the older Shadowhunter by his hair and banged his head once against the metal clothes hook.</p><p>“You really should be more careful while demon hunting. You have a rather nasty head wound here.” Jace sounded bored while he examined the gaping cut he had just inflicted. “Get your friend cleaned up. Somewhere else.”</p><p>The two Circle members fled the scene without looking back. The reminder of who Jace’s mother was, and who his godfather was, together with the display of superior power and brutality, was enough to make them quiver.</p><p>Alec stood up to face Jace. The blond’s eyes changed from deadly to predatory.</p><p>“Thank you but I had everything under control. I didn’t need your help.”</p><p>“Didn’t you?” Jace chuckled lightly, stepping closer. They stood near each other now, their faces only inches apart. Both were panting lightly.“I think you should thank me for my help.”</p><p>“For a help I didn’t want or need?” Alec cocked one eyebrow, but he couldn’t keep his voice from sounding flat and a blush from coloring his cheeks while Jace moved just a little closer. This time, Alec gave in and stepped back until his back hit a wall.</p><p>Nervously, he licked his dry lips. He had no idea how Jace managed it but he always had the feeling that he had to look up to Jace despite him being taller than the blond.</p><p>“You can also thank me for that.” Jace’s voice had dropped an octave and suddenly Alec felt cool metal against his hot skin, followed by a sharp sting. Jace had activated Alec’s Iratze. Jace took another step forward, caging Alec against the wall with his hands beside Alec’s head. Alec could smell him now, the fresh smell of citrons combined with something sharper, more herbal.</p><p>“And for this.” Jace leaned in and nearly against his will, Alec’s lips parted in anticipation of what was to come. But Jace didn’t kiss him. Instead, he took his chin in his hand and tilted Alec’s head to the side, to gain better access to the sensitive flesh on his neck. Alec couldn’t help the moan when he felt Jace’s lips sucking on his skin, licking away the blood drops with his hot tongue.</p><p>Jace’s teeth scraped over his prominent Deflect rune, leaving little bite marks behind. Alec grabbed Jace’s hips to pull him closer and tilt his head even further, presenting his throat in a submissive gesture. He felt Jace smile under his biting and sucking, clearly enjoying his power. Jace licked his way over the rune and Alec was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was practically naked.</p><p>Jace’s hands roamed hungrily over his body and when they found one of his nipples, he pinched it lightly, tearing another low moan out of Alec. Satisfied, Jace twisted the tiny nub once again, rubbing it between his thumb and index finger. His left hand came up to Alec’s neck, while pulling away from Alec’s nape at the same time. He locked eyes with Alec, a challenging glare in them. He pressed down on his neck with his hand and, after a split second of hesitation, Alec obeyed and dropped to his knees, his eyes wide and still locked on Jace’s.</p><p>Jace entangled his hand with the thick, dark brown strands of hair and tugged lightly, moaning when he saw the effect it had on Alec; his eyes were glazed over with lust and desire. Jace’s other hand unbuckled his belt to free his already hard cock, stroking it lazily while he watched Alec kneel before him.</p><p>“Open up for me.” Jace’s voice was soft, but commanding. This time, without hesitation, Alec obeyed and opened his mouth, leaning eagerly forward to take in Jace’s hard cock.</p><p>Jace’s hand stayed tangled in his soft hair, guiding him up and down his whole length. Alec sucked and his tongue swirled in little circles, savoring Jace’s taste and the soft moans that came out of the blond’s mouth.</p><p>“Fuck. You feel so good,” Jace panted breathlessly.</p><p>As a response to these words, Alec moaned, the vibrations sending shivers down Jace’s spine. He tugged harder now, holding Alec still before thrusting into his readily open mouth. He felt Alec’s throat constrict around him and he let go a bit, to let him breathe for a moment, before he started to thrust again. And all Alec did was kneel in front of him, moaning and taking what he was given.</p><p>“I’m so close,” Jace murmured, his voice more a growl than anything else. </p><p>His grip loosened a bit to give Alec the chance to pull away, but instead he pushed closer, looking up to meet Jace’s eyes, trying to relax his throat even more. Tears prickled in the corner of Alec’s eyes. One was about to fall when Jace’s grip tightened again, picking up the pace. His thrusts became more urgent and deeper, not able to hold back anymore. He finished with a low growl and two last forceful thrusts deep inside Alec’s throat, leaving him no choice but to swallow.</p><p>For a moment, the two men stayed like that. Then Alec pulled away, coming slowly to his feet. Both panted heavily. A small grin appeared on Jace’s face while he closed his pants and leaned forward a little,resting his head on Alec’s nape and taking in his scent. He bit down slightly, leaving one last bite mark. Making Alec moan one last time before he drew away, winked at Alec, turned around and left the locker room as silently as he had entered it.</p><p>Alec stayed behind, Jace’s taste still lingering on his tongue. He stared at Jace’s back, wide-eyed, still panting, still flushed – and still painfully hard.</p><p>
  <em>Asshole.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Though Alec wanted, he couldn’t draw his mind or eyes away from Jace. No matter how often he told himself that Jace was part of the enemy, he couldn’t help but look; thinking of what the other had done, both with and to him. He couldn’t help but feel aroused by just the thought of how the other had pressed him down, making him obey his commands. It hadn’t just felt good, it had felt liberating. </p><p>He had been raised to be a leader. To shoulder the responsibility for missions, his sister and for their whole family without hesitation, and he didn’t mind so much. He was used to leading. He was used to the weight on his shoulders. Yet it had felt amazing to just give in. To let someone else take the control, and just take what was given, without having to think. To just do what he was told without being responsible.</p><p>Their gazes lingered on each other for longer than before. When Jace entered a room, Alec could swear he felt his presence before he actually saw him. Izzy noticed it too.</p><p>“Be careful,” she warned him, but Alec feared it was too late. He was already trapped.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next time he trained alone, he was not surprised when the door opened and Jace stepped in. For a moment they stared at each other, taking in the sight of the other.</p><p>“Wanna train?” Jace grinned at Alec, a mischievous hint in his eyes that made Alec swallow dry.</p><p>“Sure. Hand to hand?”</p><p>“I thought you’d never ask.”</p><p>Jace pulled the hoody he had been wearing over his head, exposing  his ripped belly, covered with runes and some old, thin battle scars. Alec wondered what they would taste and feel like, were he ever to lick over them. He shook his head, he needed to focus. The last thing he wanted was to get his ass kicked or to appear weak. He knew he was a skilled fighter and he wanted to show it.</p><p>They circled each other slowly before Alec made the first move. He clenched his hand into a fist, aiming for Jace’s jaw while trying to kick his leg away at the same time. Jace ducked and avoided the blow but Alec’s foot hit its target. Jace lost his balance, though only for a moment. But this was enough for Alec to aim another punch. This time, the heel of his hand connected with Jace’s chin. The satisfied smirk on his face lasted only a second as Jace recovered quickly and blocked his next blow, just to elbow Alec hard in his kidneys in return. Alec gasped for air for a second and Jace used this momentum to grab his arm, yank it back and spin him around, trying to throw him on the floor. But Alec regained his breath and used the spinning movement to duck, utilising the momentum to throw Jace over his back and onto the floor.</p><p>But the second Jace hit the ground, he let go of Alec’s arm, destabilizing Alec with that for a second. In a quick, practiced move, Jace entangled his legs in Alec’s, causing him to fall on top of him. With the ease of an experienced fighter, he flipped Alec around so that Jace was now on top of Alec, before the other had the chance to regain the upper hand again.</p><p>Jace’s eyes flashed golden for a moment, indicating he had activated a rune without a Stele, before he gripped Alec’s wrists and pinned them down above Alec’s head, straddling his thighs at the same time and leaving him no way out of his hold.</p><p>Alec’s breath was ragged, his eyes wide. “That’s cheating,“ he managed to say. </p><p>Jace just looked down on him, licking his lips. “You don’t seem to mind too much though.” With that his hips snapped forward, rubbing his own erection over Alec’s equally hard cock.</p><p>Alec’s back arched in return, trying to get more friction. He blushed and his eyes darted to the door. “Not here.” </p><p>“Yield.” Jace’s eyes were glued on Alec’s, the mischievous gleam had turned into a spark.</p><p>“Fuck you.”</p><p>Jace pressed down harder on Alec’s wrists, leaning in to brush his lips over Alec’s earlobe. “Maybe later. But not before you yield.”</p><p>Alec groaned, he couldn’t keep the want out of his voice. He was torn between yielding and trying to fight free. He flexed his muscles but there was no way out of this hold, especially not with the runes adding to Jace’s strength. “Okay.”</p><p>“Okay what?” Jace smirked at him. He wanted to hear Alec say the words.</p><p>“Fine. I yield. Let me up now.”</p><p>“See. Was that so hard? But I’m missing a please here.” Jace circled his hips slowly, brushing over Alec’s erection with delight. Alec bit his lips to avoid the sounds that wanted to spill.</p><p>“Don’t do that. I want to hear you.” Jace pressed down with a pointedly hard thrust.</p><p>“Not here,” Alec pleaded. And, after a short moment, added a <em>please</em>.</p><p>Jace pressed an approving kiss next to Alec’s ear before he sprang to his feet, offering Alec a hand to pull him up with him.</p><p>“My room. Now.”</p><p>Alec shivered lightly at the commanding tone and in anticipation of what was to come.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>As soon as they were in Jace’s room, Alec felt himself being pushed towards the bed. He felt his legs brush against the bedframe and a last push made him fall backwards on the bed, less gracefully than he had hoped. Jace didn’t seem to mind. With a predatory smirk he was on top of Alec once again, pinning him down on the mattress, just like in the training room.</p><p>Jace started to suck on Alec’s pulse point but drew away when he didn’t feel Alec relax under him.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ve locked the door, no one will be able to enter.” He bent down again to carry on with what he had started but drew away again a few moments later. He was sitting now on Alec’s thighs, looking down at him with a frown on his face.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“It’s just…” Alec bit his lip and blushed, avoiding Jace’s gaze. “It’s just,” he continued when the other just stared at him, clearly waiting for Alec to go on. “I’ve never done this before.”</p><p>“Submitting you mean?”</p><p>Alec’s blush deepened. “No, I mean all of this.” He made a vague gesture between them, hoping that Jace would get what he meant.</p><p>“Oh.” Jace’s eyes widened in surprise – and lust. “This is your first time...like, at all?” </p><p>Alec nodded, glad that he didn’t have to say it himself.</p><p>“I can be gentle.” Jace looked at him, a slight challenge in his eyes. He could be gentle but, in fact, it was not what he wanted to be right now and he doubted it was what Alec wanted.</p><p>“But I think we both want something else.” After Alec nodded, he carried on. “But we have to establish some rules, especially given this is your first time. You tell me immediately when I do something you don’t like, understood?” He thought for a moment. “Green for everything is okay, yellow for slowing down and red for an immediate stop. And when you cannot use your voice, tap once for slowing down and twice for stop.”</p><p>His eyes burned into Alec’s.</p><p><em>He might be an asshole</em>, Alec thought, <em>but at least not that kind of asshole</em>. “Understood.”</p><p>“Good. And now relax.”</p><p>Alec felt the smile on Jace’s lips when he started to suck at him again and he couldn’t help the smile either. But he felt his body do just that when Jace took his hands again and pressed them down, immobilizing him once again. As in the locker room, Jace didn’t really kiss him, at least not his lips. It was strange, Alec thought, but the thought was wiped away by the sensation of Jace’s lips on other parts of his body.</p><p>Jace started with soft licks on his pulse point before he started to suck tenderly, increasing the pressure until the sensation turned towards painful, slowly crossing the edge. Alec squirmed under him, the burn so much more intense because he was pinned down with no room to get away – the pleasure so much more, as all he needed to do was to lay there and take it. He bit his lip, but remembered the order he had been given earlier, to not suppress his noises, so he let loose and when he felt Jace’s teeth scrubbing over his already sensitive skin, he moaned wantonly.</p><p>“That’s it,” Jace murmured, “Let me hear you.”</p><p>Jace sat up quickly and discarded his shirt, before he undressed Alec underneath him. He grinned when he pinned Alec down again.</p><p>“Stay.” His voice was low and dark, the desire clearly audible.</p><p>His hand found Alec’s nipples and his fingernails rubbed circles around them, scraping the skin lightly, before he took one between his thumb and index finger, twirling the tiny nub. When Alec moaned, he pinched it, smirking when Alec’s hips bucked upwards in response.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful,” Jace hummed, taking in the flushed state Alec was already in. “So damn beautiful.” He bent down to take Alec’s nipple into his mouth, his teeth scratching the already sensitive skin before he sucked at it.</p><p>Alec fought hard to keep his hands above his head, but the urge to entangle them with Jace’s hair, to press him closer, to try to reach for him, was too much. But as soon as Alec moved, Jace stopped and looked at him sternly.</p><p>“I said stay.” Alec gulped, blushing lightly before he put his hands back above his head.</p><p>“So good for me,” Jace murmured approvingly, letting it slide that Alec had disobeyed. They would get to that and he had followed his command now. He started to kiss Alec’s nipple again, alternating between sucking and biting until he felt shivers running down Alec’s body.</p><p>Torturing slowly, Jace kissed, sucked and licked his way down Alec’s body until he finally reached the waistband of Alec’s pants. He rubbed teasingly over the bulge in Alec’s crotch. When he heard the needy sound Alec made, he started to palm him through his jeans. He looked up and when their eyes met, he winked at Alec.</p><p>“If you are good for me, I’ll let you come this time.”</p><p>With that, he unbuttoned Alec’s pants, pulling them down to his ankles, ignoring the soft sigh when his hand left Alec’s cock. Slowly, he started to mouth the outline of Alec’s dick through his boxers, enjoying the power he had over Alec, who still lay there with his hands crossed over his head, just as he had commanded it. He smiled when he felt Alec’s hips buck upwards, but pressed them down with his hand. He had to remind himself that this was Alec’s first time and that he had to go slowly. The thought alone, that he would be Alec’s first, made him harder.</p><p>With a grin, he pulled away the last piece of clothing. Alec’s hard cock sprang free and Jace began to stroke it lightly, twisting his wrist more forcefully after a few moments, just to see how Alec reacted. Alec moaned with pleasure and his hips tried to come off the bed, but again Jace pushed him down, with more vehemence this time. He was in charge here. After a few more strokes and moans, he reached for the lube that was hidden in his drawer.</p><p>Quickly, he got rid of his own pants and boxers, before he settled between Alec’s thighs. He pushed Alec’s knees further apart to get better access. He lubed one finger up and circled teasingly around Alec’s entrance, before he slowly pushed in, groaning due to the tightness he felt around his finger. He waited a few seconds before he started to push in and out, savoring the soft noises that came out of Alec’s mouth. The first moan had been tainted with pain, but pleasure had soon taken over and Jace added a second finger, searching for Alec’s prostate. When he hit the spot and Alec cried out with pleasure, he added a third, starting to scissor Alec out thoroughly.</p><p>“Please.” Alec sounded wrecked already. Wrecked and needy.</p><p>“Please what, Alec,” Jace responded teasingly, though knowing very well what Alec wanted. But he wanted to hear it.</p><p>“Please, I need you. Now. Please.” Alec knew he was begging, but he was beyond caring.</p><p>Jace smirked, thinking of teasing Alec a bit further. But he was painfully hard himself and he couldn’t wait to feel Alec around him, so he withdrew his fingers slowly.</p><p>“Hands and knees,” he commanded and Alec obeyed without a question. Jace adjusted him a little while he lubed up his cock. He aligned himself with Alec’s entrance and pushed slowly in, the sensation of Alec’s hole giving in, making room for him, unbelievable. He groaned and had to breathe out to hold himself back from  just thrusting up into Alec.</p><p>When he felt Alec relax again, he picked up the pace, angling himself to find the right spot to make Alec scream again. Playfully he slapped Alec’s inviting ass cheek once and when he heard the noise of pleasure Alec made, he slapped him again, a bit more forcefully now. He grabbed Alec’s hair to pull him up, kissing his Deflect rune while he got lost in the rhythm of pulling out and pushing in, urged on by both their moans and grunts. When he felt himself getting closer, he released Alec’s hair and pushed him down. Alec took the hint and lowered himself to his elbows, his face resting in the soft pillow.</p><p>“Please.” He murmured again. He needed to come. So badly.</p><p>Jace smirked but as he felt his orgasm building up, he spit in his hand and reached for Alec’s cock, stroking him to the rhythm of his own thrusts. It took Alec just a few strokes before he fell over the edge, the noise he made when he finally came pulling Jace with him. With a small cry Jace came, collapsing on top of Alec.</p><p>Smiling, Jace wrapped his arms around Alec, kissing him lightly on the forehead and his nape, before the demanding tone of a cell interrupted them.</p><p>Jace groaned. “Not now,” he murmured, annoyed, but looked at the message anyway – they were all required to be reachable 24/7.</p><p>“Aldertree,” he announced and Alec nodded. He understood.</p><p>“Sorry, Alec. But I need to go.”</p><p>Alec nodded again. He knew it was not Jace’s fault, yet he felt a little lost. Jace seemed to sense that too, as he pulled him into a tight hug again, kissing his Deflect rune tenderly. For a moment they just lay there, breathing the air of the other and Alec felt safe. He looked up at Jace, nodding again, but this time meaning it.</p><p>“It’s okay. You can go now.”</p><p>Jace smiled, brushing with his thumb over Alec’s lips. “You’re amazing, Alec, I hope you know that.”</p><p>Jace rushed to get dressed and left the room, leaving Alec behind, who was wondering if, indeed, he knew that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next morning, Alec headed to his usual table to get breakfast. It was rather early and not many tables were taken. Izzy had already poured him and herself a cup of coffee, which he gladly accepted.</p><p>She looked pointedly at him while he settled down next to her. Alec felt his cheeks getting hot.</p><p>“So, no more virgin Shadowhunter energy, Alec, huh?”</p><p>Alec nearly choked on his coffee but then started to laugh, and Izzy couldn’t help but join in.</p><p>The first time they had met Magnus, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus had made the joke that he needed Alec to help him due to his virgin Shadowhunter energy. After that, they had briefly dated but never seriously, yet a deep friendship had developed. Sometimes Alec wondered if Magnus had not hit on the wrong Lightwood, considering how well Izzy and Magnus got along.</p><p>Now with the world at the edge of war, their friendship mattered even more than ever. Alec was sure that if Valentine were to win the election, they would only stand a chance united: Shadowhunters – true ones – and Downworlders together. They were already developing plans, Magnus looking for allies among his friends and acquaintances, and Izzy and Alec trying to find a way to fight the Circle.</p><p>“I guess not.” His eyes darted through the room, but Jace was nowhere to be seen. It seemed he had not been back from the mission Aldertree had given him the day before.</p><p>“Just be careful, Alec. I don’t want you to get hurt.” </p><p>“Thanks, Iz. I am. And thank you for not pointing out what a terrible choice I’ve made.”</p><p>“Now that you are mentioning it… Why him of all people?” Though she tried to hide it, she sounded a little baffled. </p><p>Alec shrugged. “I don’t know. First, I actually think that he is not a bad person. Just…misguided. And second, I just feel drawn to him. Hard to explain.”</p><p>Izzy huffed but didn’t comment further. Instead, she took his hand and squeezed it lightly.</p><p>“If you want me to kick his ass, just say the word. I’m ready. Anytime.”</p><p>Alec laughed, squeezing back. “Oh, I bet you are.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Over the next few weeks, Alec and Jace met frequently. At the beginning, it was more or less coincidental meetings that led to more, always ending in Jace’s or Alec’s room. But soon they started to meet on purpose. They even started to talk.</p><p>First, only about random things, nothing serious; dancing around the topics that divided them. The Circle. The Downworld. But slowly, Alec grew bolder and he threw in here and there a comment, challenging Jace’s beliefs and questioning the fake truths he had been told his whole life. He pushed him, but not too sudden and not too harsh. He knew it would take time for Jace to listen to him. To think about what he had to say. To question himself. Alec held no illusions that it was hard to see that he had been wrong his whole life. That the cause he had killed for was the wrong one. But he had the feeling that gradually his view of things seeped in, that he reached through to Jace.</p><p>But yet, there were things he wanted to change, sooner rather than later. They met often, but not in the open. They fucked, but never kissed. It was strange, Alec thought. As if kissing was more intimate then fucking – but then, maybe it was.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec was curled up in Jace’s arms when he realized that he was late for a mission.</p><p>“Fuck,” he groaned, sitting up in an instant. He looked for his clothes that lay splattered across the room. “Fuck,” he repeated, annoyed. He hated being late.</p><p>He dressed quickly, Jace watching him with a hint of amusement in his expression.</p><p>“You should rethink your dedication. Late for a mission…,” Jace teased him.</p><p>“I think I should rethink spending my time with you.” It came out way more serious than Alec had intended.</p><p>“What do you mean?” The playfulness had gone from Jace’s voice.</p><p>Alec closed his eyes briefly. He really had no time for that; he was already late for the damn mission.</p><p>“Nothing, Jace. It was a joke.”</p><p>“You never joke.”</p><p>Alec had to stifle a laugh. Jace was not entirely wrong. “I actually do joke. But the thing is, Jace, what we have is great. And weird. I don’t know. I understand that we keep this under the radar, it’s better for both of us. But you never kiss me, it’s… I don’t know. And I have to go. Like yesterday.”</p><p>He leaned in but instead of pressing his lips to Jace’s, like he wanted to, he grabbed Jace’s chin and turned it slightly to kiss him on the cheek.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I won’t kiss you either.”</p><p>He was about to leave the room when Jace’s cell phone started to beep. With a groan, Jace got up, also looking for his clothes.</p><p>“It seems we have our first mission together.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The mission went as bad as it could get. The demons that waited for them were of a different and unknown origin, a fact that made the Shadowhunters vulnerable to their attacks. By the time they had figured out how to kill the demons, one of their group of four was already dead and a second followed soon after. Jace fought with a blade in each hand, trying not to lose ground but keep the demons busy, and focused on him, so that Alec could take them out by a shot through the eye. Their plan was working until the last demon suddenly jumped over Jace, catching Alec off guard. With his claws he lashed at Alec and Alec felt a jolt of pain rushing through his body when one of them cut through his gear, and skinned him like butter. His knees buckled and gave away under him, and with a scream he hit the floor.</p><p>Jace darted right after the demon. He ducked to avoid his lashing tale, surrounded it, and as soon as he stood face to face with it, he jumped as high as his angelic powers allowed and buried his blade deep into the demon’s eye. The demon shrieked and with its last strength slashed at Jace, but missed by an inch, before it crumbled into itself and left only ashes behind.</p><p>Jace didn’t bother to look for the other two Shadowhunters. He ran straight to Alec, who was still laying on the ground. His breath was ragged and his eyes were twisted in pain, the whites in them slowly turning to yellow; normally a clear sign of demon poisoning. Jace cursed. If Alec had poison running through his blood, they were screwed.</p><p>Aldertree had given out a decree that forbade any collaboration with warlocks, even for healing purposes. Aldertree claimed that they had the Silent Brothers for that. There was no reason for a demon-blooded warlock to lay fingers on a pure Shadowhunter, and taint him with demonic magic. The decree was dangerous - the Silent Brothers were not many and often too late to help. </p><p>Jace turned Alec on his back, pushing his ragged gear up to have a closer look at the damage the demon had inflicted. The cut was deep but it seemed no vital organs had been pierced. But something didn’t look quite right, so instead of closing the wound instantly with an Iratze, Jace looked more closely, pressing lightly at the edge of the cut. Alec yelped in pain.</p><p>“Shh, I need to have a look, Alec. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Carefully, Jace tore the rim of the wound apart to see better. One part of the claw was still stuck inside it. Jace cursed again. He needed to get it out before he could close it.</p><p>“This will hurt, Alec. I’m sorry, so sorry.”</p><p>With one hand he held the wound open, ignoring the muffled screams Alec tried to contain. With the other, he tried to reach for the claw but it was covered with so much blood that it was not easy to take a firm hold on it. Twice it slipped through his fingers before he was finally able to grip it, and pull it out. Alec didn’t scream anymore. He lay nearly motionless on the floor, slightly shaking with silent sobs.</p><p>“It’s over, Alec, I’ve got it. It’s over.” Jace’s relief was clearly audible.</p><p>But it wasn’t over. Jace applied an Iratze but after a few seconds, the dark black of the rune faded into grey and vanished completely. With horror, Jace also watched the second one disappear. If he was not mistaken, he could already see black edges on the wound, another clear sign of demon poisoning; that was beginning to spread.</p><p>“Look at me, Alec. Now.” Alec raised his head and blinked his eyes open forcefully, looking back at Jace with yellow eyes. That was bad. No, it was worse. There was no way in hell he would be able to bring Alec back to the Institute and wait there for a Silent Brother to treat him. They needed a warlock. Right fucking now.</p><p>“You stay awake, Alec. The wound is poisoned. And it spreads faster when you are unconscious. Stay awake. Can you do that for me?” </p><p>Alec nodded weakly. He was so tired. It hurt so much. All he wanted to do was lie down and close his eyes. But he wanted to try, he wanted to follow Jace’s command. Yet he felt his eyes flutter shut but a sudden sensation jerked them open again. He felt Jace’s lips press against his. For the first time, he felt his rough lips against his own. </p><p>“I said, <em>stay awake</em>.” Jace’s voice was desperate.</p><p>But even though Alec fought against it, the urge to rest was stronger and he felt himself slipping away towards darkness.</p><p>Jace had never been gladder in his life that he had a good memory for names, and that he had actually listened to the stories Alec had told him. He unlocked Alec’s phone with Alec’s thumb and started to scroll through the contacts. Thankfully, there were not many and he soon found the name he was looking for: <em>Magnus</em>.</p><p>He pressed the call button and the free line signal echoed in his ear. Jace sighed when he heard someone pick up.</p><p>“Alexander, how nice to-”</p><p>“It’s not Alexander. It’s Jace. Alec is hurt, he needs your help. He has demon poison in his blood system and it's spreading fast. I’ll text you our coordinates. It’s urgent. He really needs your help.”</p><p>“How can I be sure that it’s not a trap?” But Magnus had already stood up and conjured a portal, the urgency in Jace’s voice bleeding through the phone.</p><p>“You can’t. But if you don’t come, he’ll die.” The truth of his own words hit Jace unprepared. He had to swallow hard to keep his emotions in check. Now was not the time to lose it. </p><p>Magnus drew in a last breath before he stepped through the portal pointed towards the coordinates he had received from Jace, magic ready at his hand to defend himself if it was a trap.</p><p>When his feet hit solid ground, Magnus looked around and saw two Shadowhunters lying on the floor, unmoving. Dead. He didn’t bother to look more closely. His eyes found Jace, who was knelt beside Alec’s crouched figure. Even from this distance, Magnus could tell that Jace had not exaggerated. The area around Alec’s wound already showed black lines. The poison really spread fast.</p><p>“Get out of the way,” Magnus commanded, approaching Alec with huge steps. “I’ll take him to my loft to heal him. You’ll stay here.”</p><p>“I won’t leave him alone with you. No way. I don’t even know you.” Jace glared at the warlock, his eyes lighting up golden.</p><p>Magnus huffed but they didn’t have time to argue. For a moment, he contemplated his options. Alec stirred a little, moaning in pain but without opening his eyes. The genuine concern for Alec was clearly audible and visible in Jace’s whole stance, so Magnus decided to take the risk and bring Jace back with him. A Circle member, he scolded himself. But he gave the blond a curt nod, indicating his agreement. Together they stepped through the portal.</p><p>Jace lay Alec down on the indicated bed and stepped back. Without further ado, Magnus started to work his magic. It was not easy; the poison was already deeply rooted in Alec’s system. But Magnus was not the High Warlock for nothing. He had powers most warlocks only dreamed about. The magic twirled and sparkled around his fingertips, at first effortlessly. But the longer it went on the more Magnus felt the drain. Nevertheless, he sent wave after wave of magic over Alec’s body, extracting the poison little by little.</p><p>Jace leaned back against the wall, not trusting his body to stay upright on its own. He realized that he had some cuts, as well, but didn’t bother to heal them. They were only minor injuries. His eyes were glued on Alec, watching everything Magnus did with concern. Alec couldn’t die. He just couldn’t.</p><p>Finally, Magnus retreated his magic. The wound was closed and the black lines gone. Tiny movements indicated that Alec was about to wake up again. Jace darted forward, taking Alec’s face tenderly in his hands. He brushed his lips quickly over Alec’s, before he whispered with an urgency that made Alec want to comply.</p><p> “Look at me.” </p><p>Alec blinked his eyes open forcefully, a weak smile on his lips.</p><p>“White,” Jace declared with a sigh. White meant that all poison was gone. Without caring that Magnus was there, Jace kissed Alec again. For real this time.</p><p>“Step back.” Magnus’ cool voice rang through the room. He was exhausted but didn’t let it show, not yet fully trusting Jace. “I need to make a final check.”</p><p>Reluctantly, Jace nodded and retreated. His phone started to ring at the same time and with slightly shaking hands he took the call, his eyes widening in concern when he saw the number that called.</p><p>Jace felt Magnus’ eyes on him while he spoke. He answered the questions from the other side curtly, soldier-like. No emotion was audible in his tone. </p><p>“Yes, we killed the demons. No, they were different ones. Seawater and Cartwright are dead. Lightwood is wounded, that’s why we are not back yet. The wound is quite severe. No, no demon poisoning. Just a regular wound but something is stuck in it, I can’t close it. We are on our way back on foot. We should be at the Institute in a few.”</p><p>Magnus had listened intently to the call.</p><p>“Why did you lie about the kind of wound?”</p><p>“Because if we admit that he has demon poisoning, it’s as good as his death sentence. We are no longer allowed to get the help from warlocks. And we cannot pretend that a Silent Brother just happened to step by to heal him - they would know that a warlock helped him. And that is strictly forbidden. We die like men when we are poisoned and no Silent Brother is available. All for the purity of our kind.” Jace laughed hollowly. “But given his state and our delay, I also cannot claim that nothing has happened to him or that he has just a regular wound. We were expected to be back a long time ago. We need to give them a reason for that delay. If we don’t show up soon…” He left the sentence unfinished but Magnus understood what he meant.</p><p>“So then, leave him here. There is no need for him to go back at all.” Magnus crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Jace.</p><p>Jace shook his head. “Not with Izzy still at the Institute. They would go after her. Blood pays for blood. He would not forgive us that.”</p><p>“Damn right.” Alec’s voice was barely audible, but still deadly. “But you have already plotted another plan, haven’t you.”</p><p>Jace bit down on his bottom lip but then he pulled himself together.</p><p>“I have. But it will hurt, Alec. Magnus, do you have a demon’s claw in your repertoire that is not poisoned?”</p><p>Magnus slowly nodded. He didn’t like where this was going, but he also didn’t see another solution. He would rather have his friend safe in his loft but Jace had been right about Izzy, of course. If Alec deserted, they would take it out on her.</p><p>With a snap he summoned a claw that looked a lot like the one Jace had pulled out of the wound earlier. Jace took it with a sigh and stepped closer to Alec now, who was still unusually pale, pain written clearly over his face.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Alec.”</p><p>He grabbed the claw tighter. Magnus sighed but let his magic fly, binding Alec to the table. There really was no other choice. Quickly, and without hesitation, Jace cut Alec’s skin to imitate the old wound. He forced his hand to be steady. To cut deep enough to be believable but not too deep to harm Alec severely. He tried to ignore Alec’s screams and focus on the task at hand.</p><p>When he was done, he shoved the claw into the wound as far as he could without causing real damage. It had to be believable that he had not been able to heal Alec himself and there had to be a reason why the way back had taken them so long. Alec had stopped screaming, he had nearly fallen back into unconsciousness. A thin layer of sweat covered his unusually pale face.</p><p>“We need a portal to the Institute, from the west side. Not too close but also not too far. I’ll carry him.” Jace managed to push his feelings aside and let the trained Shadowhunter take over. This was a mission, like hundreds he had executed before. And he had never failed. He wouldn’t start now.</p><p>With a grim nod, Magnus opened a portal and helped the two Shadowhunters step through. He wished he could do more but it was too dangerous to help them more. Too dangerous for himself but even more for them. </p><p>Jace had no clear recollection how they made it to the Institute, but they made it. A medic cleared Alec’s wound and once the claw was removed, an Iratze closed it nicely. Alec didn’t move during the procedure, his body too exhausted for it. He sighed in relief when the medic left and he felt Jace’s hands in his hair, stroking him gently.</p><p>“Thank you,” Alec whispered but Jace just shook his head. It was wrong. It was wrong to be thanked for hurting someone like that. It was wrong to be forced to do that in the first place to save someone. Lives of Shadowhunters should be worth more than any political decision.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec recovered quickly from the mission. Physically, at least. He had the distinctive feeling that the misinformation they had gotten about the demons had been deliberate and not a mistake. He wondered why Jace had been picked for this specific mission – if that had been deliberate too.</p><p>The closer the election date grew, the more Alec felt the pressure. Their emergency plan had started to form, yet he truly hoped it would not be necessary to carry it out. He still hoped that the Shadow World would see reason. But the pressure weighed him down. It got harder to sneak out of the Institute and talk to Downworlders to convince them that he was not the enemy but an ally. Magnus’ friendship and Izzy’s open mind helped smoothen the way. He felt that many Downworlders started to trust him and to believe that not all Shadowhunters were dedicated to Valentine’s Circle.</p><p>The more he felt the pressure, the more liberating it felt to be with Jace. Alec loved the way Jace took control whenever they were alone in the bedroom, telling him what to do. It was so easy to obey him and just submit, knowing that he only had to use the word <em>red</em> to make him stop. He loved how Jace took care of him afterwards. He loved the way his need of giving up control was reflected in Jace’s need to gain it. Alec thought that without Jace feeling in charge, he would never allow himself to feel at all.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec and Jace spent a lazy afternoon together, enjoying the rare occasion that neither had other assignments. They were on the rooftop of the Institute, their favorite spot – beside the bed. They had discovered that nobody went there and had claimed the place as theirs. They had applied special locking runes to grant only the two of them entry, but they doubted someone else would try. The entrance was hidden, only reachable through rickety stairs that had definitely seen better days.</p><p>Jace leaned, relaxed, against the balustrade; one hand entangled in Alec’s hair, thrusting lazily into Alec’s readily opened mouth. He couldn’t say how much he loved it when Alec knelt before him willingly, eager to please him and to follow his commands. The way Alec moaned around his cock made him pick up speed and with one last forceful thrust he orgasmed into Alec’s mouth, groaning with pleasure. He kept Alec down for a moment longer, just to enjoy the way he knelt before him, before he pulled him up by his hair and into a possessive kiss. Jace laughed, carefree, when he saw the blissed-out look Alec had on his face, after kissing him and fucking his mouth.</p><p>Alec leaned into Jace, sighing contently. He wished that this moment, where nothing else mattered than them being together, would never end. Yet he knew it always ended. The sound of a lighter snapping open interrupted his thoughts and he opened his eyes to see Jace light up a cigarette. Jace just laughed when he saw Alec’s face, inhaling the smoke deeply.</p><p>“Have you ever tried it?” Jace’s voice was deep and content, like it always was after  they had fucked.</p><p>Alec shook his head. Jace just smiled, taking another pull and keeping the smoke in his lungs. With a mischievous gleam in his eyes, he pulled Alec closer by his hair and pressed their lips together, releasing the smoke into Alec’s open mouth. Surprised, Alec inhaled and nearly coughed before he drew back.</p><p>“Bad?” Jace laughed again, beaming at Alec.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Alec took the cigarette from Jace’s hand, carefully taking a drag himself. It was not that bad actually.</p><p>“You know that these things can kill you,” Alec said with a serious expression while he exhaled the smoke slowly. The nicotine made his head even dizzier than before. </p><p>“We’re Shadowhunters, Alec. We die young anyway.” Jace just shrugged carelessly.</p><p>For a moment, they stood in silence, sharing the cigarette.</p><p>“What does it mean to you? Being a Shadowhunter?” Alec watched Jace closely.</p><p>The blond shrugged. “I don’t know actually. For my mother, it means the world. She did some experiments on me while she was still pregnant. She infused herself with angel blood to enhance my abilities. Imagine her disappointment when all the angel blood was wasted on someone like me.”</p><p>“What do you mean? Why wasted?” Alec had seen what Jace was capable of and doubted that anyone would call this <em>waste</em>. </p><p>“Ah, you know. I was never enough. Not ruthless enough. Not obedient enough. Not cruel enough. That’s why she sent me away in the end, she didn’t like to be reminded of the son who failed her all the time. Well, screw her. But I never really thought about what being a Shadowhunter means. It’s just what we are.”</p><p>“Do you really believe in the crap Valentine and Aldertree try to teach us? That we are better than all the rest?”</p><p>Jace shrugged again, the carefree expression replaced by a guarded one.</p><p>“We are the descendants of angels, Alec. Not of some demons or anything like that.”</p><p>“But this does not make us any better. Our blood does not define who we are.” This time, Alec didn’t let it slide. This time he pushed. </p><p>“You know I don’t agree with some things they say, not anymore. It’s wrong not to deal with Downworlders or try to wipe them out completely. But just look, Alec. They are different from us. Take werewolves. They don’t even have a free will. If their alpha commands something, they just do it. They don’t think for themselves. How should I consider them equal?”</p><p>Alec bit his bottom lip to conceal his anger. He had really hoped that Jace’s beliefs had altered more already.</p><p>“Oh, and you are so different, Jace? If Aldertree asked you to jump, you wouldn’t ask why but only how high. How is that different from a werewolf obeying his alpha? And I’ve seen wolves disregarding their alpha. I haven’t seen you doing that so far.”</p><p>If looks could kill, Alec was sure he would drop dead that instant. Jace glared at him, barely-hidden anger boiling in his eyes. His hands were clenched into fists.</p><p><em>Good, </em>Alec thought<em>. </em>He had hit a spot.</p><p>“Say that again,” Jace spat at him.</p><p>“Oh, I think you heard me just fine the first time.”</p><p>“Say that again, I’ve said. Or I’ll show you who the stronger one is and I’ll make you.”</p><p>Sudden anger flared up in Alec. “You know what Jace? If we can’t even talk about these things, forget it. If fighting is the only answer you can offer, I don’t know what I’m still doing here. Fuck you and your stupid beliefs.” He turned on his heel, leaving a fuming Jace behind. Alec opened the door to the stairway and slammed the door shut with all the anger he felt in that moment for him. </p><p>
  <em>Asshole.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Jace came back from a nasty mission, heavily bruised outwardly but also inwardly. Over the last few weeks, he had started to doubt everything he had been taught from childhood on. He had been told that Downworlders were inferior due to their demon blood or demonic heritage. That they knew of no honor or decency. Of no real friendship. But the things Alec had told him, together with the things he had witnessed over the past weeks but especially today, told a different story.</p><p>He had done horrible things in the past, tortured people, killed people – mostly not batting an eye, as they had been the enemy or Downworlders, no real people anyway. But today had been different. Today, it had been a child. A werewolf girl. And she had been braver and more loyal than all glory Shadowhunters assembled around her together. He still shuddered at the thought of the look on her face when Aldertree had put the silver coins on her eyes, giving her one last option to betray her brother or lose her eyesight for good. But she hadn’t wavered. She had said nothing, even when Aldertree had pressed the second coin on her eyes. Even when the alpha in the room had begged her to say something.</p><p>The whole mission had been fishy. The werewolf family they had hunted down was supposed to hide a murderer, but Jace had found no evidence for that. He had found nothing that put the brother in place of the incident. In fact, to him it had looked staged. As if someone else had killed the mundanes and placed random things there to accuse werewolves. A few weeks back, he wouldn’t have noticed the signs. But after all Alec had told him – and though he was sure Alec didn’t believe it, he had listened – he had seen it. He was pretty sure Aldertree, or someone close to him, had framed the wolves.</p><p>When they reached the family’s cabin, they discovered the family had not been alone. A whole pack had gathered there; if this was a coincidence or planned, Jace couldn’t tell. The fight had been brutal with many losses on both sides. Jace was also wounded. He had several still-bleeding cuts and stab wounds that he hadn’t yet bothered to clean or close. Somehow, he felt he deserved to suffer. His gear was torn apart and blood-stained, so were his combat boots. His normally clean, white laces were covered in blood – his own mostly, he believed.</p><p>He slumped down on the bed, not bothering with undressing. He closed his eyes but the girl’s face was still lingering behind his eyelids. Her screams, still audible in his mind, were mixed with the sound of a door slamming shut and the steps of Alec leaving after their fight.</p><p>Nearly silently, the door to his room opened. He propped himself up on his elbows, watching for whoever was going to enter. For a second, he felt too tired to reach for his blade. But then his instincts kicked in and he grabbed the blade that always lay under his pillow. He had locked the door with a rune but one could never be too sure – there were de-locking runes after all.</p><p>Alec stepped through the door and closed it firmly behind him. Interesting that he still could come in despite the locking rune, he thought. He didn’t doubt that Jace still applied the rune every day before settling in for the night. Locking runes were designed in a  way that the applier could modify them so that only certain persons could open them. After their last encounter, that had ended with him leaving, Alec had suspected that he was no longer allowed to just enter without having to knock.</p><p>“So, you are still alive.” He glared at Jace, who threw the blade down on the nightstand next to him when he saw who had come in.</p><p>“Disappointed?”</p><p>Alec sighed. “No. Relieved actually. I heard many have died.”</p><p>Jace just looked at him before he slowly nodded. He couldn’t quite understand how Alec could still be like that. So honest. So frank. Despite all they had done, and all Alec had witnessed, he had an innocence about him that Jace was sure he himself had never possessed. That Alec still cared about him was beyond Jace’s understanding. And he didn’t really believe it, couldn’t really believe it. Why would he care when no one else had ever really cared? Not his parents, not his godfather. Not the many exes he had dated over the years.</p><p>Alec leaned against the door frame, fighting an inner battle while he took in the state Jace was in. He looked beaten but Alec thought it went deeper than the bloody cuts on his skin let on. He looked shaken to the core. There was something in his eyes Alec had not seen before, something that made him move forward.</p><p>Silently, he knelt down in front of the bed. In front of Jace. He licked his dry lips and looked up, feeling the hot gaze of the other on him. He blushed lightly, knowing how vulnerable he was making himself. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Slowly, he reached for one of Jace’s black combat boots and started to untie it. The leather was smooth but felt heavy, as if it had absorbed a huge amount of liquid, most probably blood. The once white laces were tinted crimson red.</p><p>Jace pushed himself up further until he was in a sitting position. He looked down on Alec’s dark brown shock of hair and had to bite down hard on his lip to stop the moan from falling out of his mouth. The way Alec knelt in front of him, the way he untied his boots, made him come undone and he could already feel himself getting hard. He grabbed Alec’s hair and tugged forcefully on it, tilting Alec’s head so that the other looked up at him. When their eyes met he leaned forward, claiming the older boy’s mouth in a bruising kiss. He bit down lightly on Alec’s lower lip before drawing back and indicating for Alec to carry on with what he had started, watching him with a hunger in his eyes only Alec could satisfy.</p><p>Alec’s eyes were slightly glazed over and the blush had deepened, but he did as he was told. He had already untied and taken off one boot so he proceeded with the other. Carefully, he untied the knot and loosened the lace from the loops, which was not that easy as the lace was encrusted with blood.</p><p>“Fuck,” he heard Jace murmur and the need and want in his voice went straight to his own cock. He felt the grip in his hair tighten and his head was tilted back up again. Their eyes met and Alec licked his lips.</p><p>At that sight, Jace couldn’t help but moan loudly before he pushed Alec back down. Yet, he needed more. He needed to see that Alec belonged to him; that he, despite what they had fought about and might fight about in the future, was his.</p><p>“Lick it.”</p><p>There was a small sign of hesitation but then Alec bent down a little deeper to lick across the soft leather, the dried blood, and the stiff laces.</p><p>Jace watched Alec lower himself down to the floor, his eyes covered by his long, thick lashes. He watched Alec’s tongue dart out and lick over his boot and he couldn’t hold back the low sound emerging from his throat. Jace took in a sharp breath when Alec continued licking his boot, covering the whole bootleg with tiny licks. That was all Jace had wanted to see – to feel –and he pulled Alec up again, a low growl in the back of his throat indicating that he needed Alec now in a different way.</p><p>Alec crawled onto the bed, guided by Jace, who pulled him on top of him and into a demanding kiss. Jace could still taste his own blood on Alec’s tongue, making him lose all the resolve he still had. Alec smiled when he felt their positions  reversed with one flip, Jace pinning him into the mattress.</p><p>“You’re so perfect for me, Alec.”</p><p>Alec relaxed even more at the praise, giving Jace all the control the other needed and commanded. He didn’t mind being manhandled like that, not at all. Not here, not with Jace. He enjoyed giving up control and not being in charge for once. The more demandingly Jace kissed him, the more he let himself fall, believing that despite everything the other was there to catch him. The thought of what would happen if he was wrong about Jace’s true core lingered in the back of his mind, but was pushed away by desire and want. He opened his legs a little further, to give Jace more room to settle down. To grind down on him, to undo him even further. To claim him as his one more time.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec lay with his head at rest on Jace’s chest. The blond was still covered in his own blood, but both boys were too tired to care. Jace combed lightly through Alec’s hair, enjoying the weight of the other on top of him.</p><p>“Why do you trust me like that?” Jace blurted out. He was curious, but not sure if he really wanted an answer. Not if the answer was that Alec didn’t trust him at all.</p><p>“Because I know that deep down you have a heart. I know that it’s just a façade you’re keeping. I know you can unlearn the things they taught you.”</p><p>Alec propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at Jace. With his thumb he outlined his sharp jawline. “You’ve already started to question yourself, haven’t you?”</p><p>Jace was silent for a long time. When he wanted to speak, he felt a lump in his throat and, to his surprise, he had to blink angrily to hold back tears he had not thought of having.</p><p>“This mission, Alec, it just… It was so wrong.”</p><p>Alec lay his head back down on Jace’s chest, letting Jace comb his hair again which soothed them both.</p><p>“Tell me about it.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Alec saw the changes reflected in Jace. The way his eyes tightened at commands given to him, the more defiant stance he showed. Yet, he didn’t go openly against their leaders – but to be fair, who did?</p><p>Alec still worked on their plan of what to do if their world really was set on fire on the day of the election. He still believed that it would not go that far, but they needed to have an escape plan. Just in case. Magnus had gathered Downworlders who were ready to fight. He and Izzy tried to find allies among Shadowhunters.</p><p>It was not an easy task. Talking to the wrong people could expose them, leading to immediate trials for treason. But they needed to take that risk. They needed allies to win this war – if there was a war to fight. The decision about whether to include Jace in these plans or not was one of the hardest ones Alec had to make. </p><p>If it were just up to him, just his life on the line, he wouldn’t think about it at all. He saw and felt that Jace had changed – or was going to. Alec was certain that the beliefs Jace had been taught his whole life were about to shatter. But it was not just him. It was Izzy. It was the other Shadowhunters who followed them. It was Magnus who would provide the portal that led to their safety. And all others opted against it. They didn’t trust Jace who had shown in the past his devotion to Valentine – to his godfather.</p><p>With gritted teeth, Alec made the decision to keep him in the dark, vowing to him that once their group was safe, he would go back and contact Jace, and offer him the chance to join the resistance. Besides, part of him still believed that it would not go that far. He really thought that the Shadowhunters spread around the world would see reason and vote for Jia Penhallow instead of Valentine – and then nothing of their plan would matter. Later, Alec couldn’t believe how naïve they had all been.</p><p>Magnus and his Downworlder friends were already one step ahead. They had set up safe houses and arranged treaties among the different groups, the threat of a deadly common enemy like the Clave under Valentine’s command finally strong enough to overcome centuries-old prejudices. But most Downworlders were no strategists, no warriors. Most of them weren’t even fighters. They needed soldiers, they needed a leader who would unite not only their minds but also their fighting power. They needed Shadowhunters. They needed an actual leader like Alec.</p><p>Alec cursed inwardly. They had waited too long. Hoped too much. They said hope was the last thing to die – but sometimes, hope was the reason someone died at all. They should have fled the Institute and joined the Downworld resistance while it had still been possible to do it quietly without having to fight. They should have left before the election. But everyone  in their small group had hoped that in the end common sense would win and Jia Penhallow would be the elected Consul. They had all been wrong though, blinded by their belief in some kind of justice.</p><p>Valentine had won, he was now the rightful leader of the Clave – of all Shadowhunters. Of them. One of the first things he did was install a curfew and attain complete control over the Institutes. Shadowhunters were only allowed to leave and enter with permission. A permission none of them had, Alec stated, when he looked at their small group. Next to him and Izzy were the twins, Anna and Carlo, the field medic, Tim, and two older Shadowhunters named Carsten and Dominique. They just needed to get out of the door and through the wards. Magnus was waiting with a portal as close to the Institute as possible without being detected.</p><p><em>Just</em>.</p><p>The entrance was heavily guarded with far more Circle members than actually necessary, as Aldertree probably suspected something like their escape would happen. Alec was fairly sure that Izzy and he would be arrested soon anyway for treason, as his parents had been – the older Lightwoods were still held captive without a trial. The two siblings didn’t really have a choice. The others, on the contrary, did. But all shook their heads when Alec gave them the last chance out. As soon as they stepped out of this Institute, they would be outcasts; traitors in the eyes of the Clave and hunted by their own kind.</p><p>“Let’s go.” All were geared up and armed. Alec’s hand lay at ease on the hilt of his seraph blade, concealed within his fighting gear. Without having to discuss it, the seven of them had formed a battle position while approaching the exit.</p><p>Horace Dearborn was guarding the door himself with a group of Circle members. In number, Alec and his team were stronger but he didn’t doubt that, as soon as the fight broke loose, others would rush to help. And they were at the disadvantage of having to get through the door. They needed to attack, making them more vulnerable than the other way round. Making it through the door with five people guarding it was nearly impossible, especially without losses on their side.</p><p>Alec’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the familiar blond shock of hair between the Circle members who had door duty. That had not been the plan. But it was too late to change his mind.</p><p>“Where do you think you are going?” Dearborn’s harsh voice cut through the entrance hall.</p><p>“Just step aside and no one will get harmed.” Alec’s tone was even. His hand gripped the hilt of his blade tighter. He wouldn’t give in to illusions any more. They would need to fight their way towards freedom.</p><p>Dearborn just laughed and the Circle members behind him fell into formation. Alec’s eyes found Jace’s, who stood slightly behind his leader. Their eyes met for a moment, before a nearly apologetic smile appeared on Jace’s face while he drew his blade just as the other Circle members did.</p><p>“You’re dead, Lightwood. And because of you, all who follow you. You…”</p><p>But Dearborn couldn’t finish the sentence. The <em>you </em>turned into a gurgling sound, his hand snapped up, as though to protect his throat, but fell down an instant later – death had already settled in and his body fell to the ground, blood streaming out of the deep cut making the ground slippery.</p><p>The three other Circle members froze for a moment, enough for Jace to take out the next, and for the Shadowhunters around Alec to lunge forward. They heard the shuffling noise of nearing feet and screams of <em>hold them back, kill them – </em>but it was too late. They had already managed to overwhelm the last Circle member and together they ran through the door, Alec first, the others following him.</p><p>Outside, they got lucky and they didn’t encounter any further enemies. The portal was already standing and all they had to do was jump through it. Alec gripped Jace tightly when he pulled the blond through the portal with him, not letting go as Jace didn’t know the location they wanted to portal to. Letting go meant getting lost in limbo. But they made it through.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jace felt Alec’s strong hold on him while he let himself get dragged through the portal. He had been afforded only split seconds to come to a decision but looking into Alec’s eyes had made it so much easier. Fighting Alec, maybe even killing him, had just not been an option. He was no longer a blind follower who couldn’t decide about right or wrong on his own. Finally he was a true Shadowhunter.</p><p>The moment his feet hit solid ground, his world exploded in pain. He fell to his knees, screaming. A burning sensation jolted through his body, making his vision go red, and black spots were dancing behind his eyelids. His hands shot up to his Circle rune, the origin of the excruciating pain. Something in him tried to shield the pain. All his runes lit up, trying to protect him from the agony, but without much success.  </p><p>In the faint distance, he heard someone yelling his name, but he couldn’t place the voice. The pain was all-consuming. He buried his head in the dirty ground, trying to get away from the pain that still burned through his veins like fire. His hand scratched at the rune as though to scrub it off his skin, leaving bloody marks behind. But he didn’t feel that pain. He just felt the pain within. He heard someone laugh, the words <em>Circle scum</em> voiced not only once but multiple times. He was certain he was going to die.</p><p>But as sudden as the pain settled in, it faded. His rune stopped burning and, with that, the jolts vanished. Yet his whole body still ached. He still couldn’t breathe properly, and not to mention move properly or get up. Jace rolled over so that he was lying on his back, slowly forcing his eyes open. One hand was still clutched to the rune, the other came up to his face and to his surprise he found his cheeks wet with tears. He was still crying. He looked up and above him stood Magnus. He could still see magic curling around his fingertips.</p><p>“Jace.” Finally he could place the voice that had screamed his name. Alec. Who else, he wondered briefly; who else could it have been? But the pain was still too present to dwell on it. He felt Alec’s hands on his skin but shook them away. His skin burned and he couldn’t stand the touch; the soft brush too much, only adding to the pain.</p><p>“What just happened?” Alec looked at Magnus, his eyes still wide with shock. </p><p>Magnus shrugged. “I modified the portal so that no Circle member could step through without dying. It’s interesting that <em>he</em> is not dead.” </p><p>He sounded unfazed and Alec drew in a shaky breath. “He helped us escape. He-”</p><p>“He is still a Circle member. He is a risk we agreed not to take,” Magnus interrupted him cooly.</p><p>Jace could hear the threat in the warlock’s voice and despite better knowledge, his survival instincts kicked in. He pushed himself up to try to reach for a weapon or anything to help him get away. But the movement was too sudden. A new jolt of fire shot through his body and he felt blackness taking over. He fought against it but he didn’t succeed. He didn’t feel his head hitting the floor when his body gave in and slumped to the ground, as he was already blacked out.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When he woke up again, he was lying on a bed. He tried to stay calm so as not to give away that he was conscious again. He lay motionless and listened to his body. He still felt the pain but it was more an echo of what he had felt before. Slowly, he tried to move his ankles and wrists to see if he was bound. He hadn’t forgotten the unspoken threat.</p><p> “Jace.” It was only a whisper.</p><p>Slowly, Jace blinked his eyes open to see Alec sitting beside him, looking down and with concern written all over his face.</p><p>“You’re awake.” The relief was audible and he more felt than saw Alec’s body relax.</p><p>This time Jace knew better than to make any sudden moves, but nevertheless he pushed himself slowly into a sitting position. The pain increased, but it was manageable. He had never been a stranger to pain.</p><p>“So,” he said, his shaky voice trailing off, not really knowing what to say. Alec had left him behind. He had not even asked if he wanted to go with him. If his door duty shift had not been changed last minute, he wouldn’t have  seen him again. He understood Alec’s decision, it was the logical one to make. He had been a Circle member for too long, his beliefs just starting to reform. He was a liability. He knew that. From a strategic point of view, Alec had made the right decision. Yet, he had hoped the choice could have been a different one.</p><p>Alec seemed lost for words too. He had raised his hand, as if to touch him, but his hand had fallen back, not sure if the touch was welcome.</p><p>“Listen, Alec, I have no idea where we are. Besides you, the other Shadowhunters from the Institute, and Magnus, I haven’t seen anyone. You can just dump me somewhere or send me through another portal… I won’t be able to tell anything.” Jace tried to hold his voice steady and unfazed. He didn’t want to show weakness. Not now, when Alec had made the call to leave him behind. </p><p>He didn’t look at Alec. He had to admit, it hurt. The pain was even worse and a totally different one to the one inflicted by magic shortly beforehand.</p><p>“No, Jace. They will kill you if they find you.” Alec rubbed over his face. </p><p>“If you think I’m staying here as your prisoner you are mistaken. I’m no one’s prisoner. Not any longer.”</p><p>Jace leaned back against the headboard, his body was already trembling. Whatever the warlock had done to him, it had left a huge toll on his body.</p><p>“Jace, please. You have to listen to me. I wanted to tell you about the plan… I wanted to ask you to come with us. But the others thought it was too dangerous. Too risky. I had to think of them first. I would have contacted you later. I-” The words spilled out of Alec’s mouth now. He needed Jace to understand. He needed Jace to forgive him. </p><p>“I understand,” Jace cut in. “You made the strategic choice. A leader’s choice. That’s why I’m saying, just dump me somewhere. Even if I get caught, there is nothing I could tell them that has any value. That you fled, they already know.”</p><p>Slowly, Alec reached for Jace’s hand and pressed a kiss into his palm before he rested his forehead against it.</p><p>“Jace, please. You have to believe me. I didn’t leave you, I would have come back for you. And now, you have proven your allegiance by coming with us. By fighting against the Circle. Without you, we wouldn’t have managed to escape without losses, maybe we wouldn’t have succeeded at all. No one can question that now. Please, Jace.”</p><p>Jace still hadn’t looked at him, his eyes directed at the door. He felt tired, a mixture between physical and emotional exhaustion. He wanted to believe Alec, so much.</p><p>“Please, Jace. Look at me.” The plea was clearly audible, but Alec didn’t care; he would beg if it helped. Not to tell Jace about the escape plan to join the Downworld resistance was the hardest choice he had ever made. And it was true; once the others had been in a secure location, he would have contacted Jace to ask him to join them as well. He just hoped that Jace believed him.</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>Finally, Jace tore his eyes from the door and looked at Alec. But he didn’t say anything.</p><p>“I love you.” Alec hadn’t meant to say it. Not under such circumstances. But the words had left his mouth before he had been able to hold them back. And he meant them.</p><p>“Don’t say that just to convince me.”</p><p>“I don’t. It’s just the way it is. I love you.” There it was again. The innocence, the vulnerability that Alec was never afraid to show, at least not towards him. </p><p>Jace sucked in a breath and without thinking, he pulled Alec closer and kissed him. He kissed his way towards Alec’s ear and when his lips nearly touched it, he whispered in a barely audible voice, “I love you too.” </p><p>It was more a hint than anything else but it was more than Jace had ever thought he’d be able to say. More than Alec had ever thought he’d hear.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jace couldn’t remember  asleep but when he woke up again, Alec was gone. Right next to him lay a note stating that Alec had not wanted to wake him, and that he had to take care of something and would return shortly. Jace yawned and stretched his sore muscles. They still hurt but less than when he had last been awake. He felt more awake now in general, the drowsiness having faded. </p><p>When the door to his room opened, his hand reached automatically under his pillow before he realized that he was not in his bed at the Institute, and no weapon was there. He swallowed down the panic and tried to steady his breath.</p><p>Magnus watched him from the door, an eyebrow raised in amusement.</p><p>“Looking for something?”</p><p>Jace glared back at him. “The last time I saw you, you wanted to kill me.”</p><p>“That spell was not directed specifically at you. It was just a general spell to kill all who carry the Circle rune, so that nobody could follow us. Alec didn’t know about it otherwise he would have never pulled you through the portal.”</p><p>“I know.” Jace knew that Alec would never harm him on purpose.</p><p>“It’s interesting though that you are… not dead.” Magnus shrugged apologetically for not finding more sensitive words. “The spell should have killed you instantly, not caused you pain. May I…” He took a step forward, blue sparks gleaming around his fingertips.</p><p>Out of reflex, Jace jerked back.</p><p>“You want us to trust you, despite that rune on your neck. So I think it’s just fair that you show some trust in us, too.” Magnus looked down on Jace with a piercing expression in his eyes. </p><p>Magnus had a point. So Jace nodded, forcing his body to relax. He felt Magnus’ magic wash over him briefly but as with the pain, when he stepped through the portal, he felt something in him fight against the intrusion immediately. Magnus retreated his magic an instant later.</p><p>“Really interesting,” he murmured.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You seem to be able to fight my magic, at least to a certain extent. I’ve never seen anything like that. And I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” Magnus held one hand up to interrupt all protests. “And your rune is different to most I have seen.”</p><p>Jace nodded slowly. “It’s an old one.”</p><p>“What do you mean by that?” Magnus sounded curious, still standing at the side of Jace’s bed, towering over him a little. </p><p>“Valentine made some adjustments to the rune with the help of Hodge Starkweather. The new runes contain binding spells, so that the one who bears it cannot talk about the Circle without being tortured by the rune. The old ones don’t have that. The new ones also carry tracking devices.”</p><p>“When you say, <em>old</em>… How long ago? When did you choose to get yours?”</p><p>Jace thought for a moment, suppressing the urge to huff at the word <em>choose</em>. “Concerning the new runes…they were invented maybe four years ago? I’m not sure. I got mine eight years ago. At my runing ceremony.”</p><p>“So, no choice involved, huh?” Magnus' voice had turned a bit softer. Jace had been ten when he had been marked with this devilish rune.</p><p>The blond shook his head. “No choice. A lot of Circle members of the old generation got the new rune as well, to prove their loyalty. Mother never let it happen.”</p><p>“Famous Céline Herondale. She has a…reputation. But she is smart, I have to give her that.” </p><p>Magnus’ voice had a slight edge to it Jace couldn’t quite place. Probably Céline had hunted down one of his many friends. She had executed a lot of Downworlders who had allegedly broken the law.</p><p> “We have to get rid of your rune. Not the rune itself, at least not for now. But I think soon a Silent Brother will join us, so that can happen as well. For now, we need to get rid of the magic in your rune. Otherwise you will trigger a lot of protection spells and wards I have set up.”</p><p>“So how do we do that?” Jace couldn’t help but sound weary.</p><p>“I’ll neutralize the magic in the rune with my own. For that, you have to let me in. You have to keep your reflexes in check.”</p><p>Jace nodded. “I’ll try. Can I…” he gestured to the armchair that stood in the corner of the room. He felt too exposed in bed.</p><p>When Jace had settled down in the armchair, Magnus approached him. Jace took a deep breath and nodded, focusing on relaxing his muscles as well as his thoughts. He felt the cold magic enter. He reminded himself to breathe and stay lax. Yet, after a few seconds, he couldn’t avoid his inner shield from coming to life. His runes lit up, ready to protect.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. But I never even knew I had that ability, even less how to control it properly. I think it’s my pure angel blood.”</p><p>Magnus looked at him with a contemplating expression in his eyes. “I might have an idea.”</p><p>In this moment, Alec stepped through the door. Magnus quickly filled him in.</p><p>“Maybe you can sit behind him, holding him or something like that. To keep him at ease so that he can control his runes and the protective shield.”</p><p>Alec smiled and nodded. He went over to the chair, but didn’t make any attempt to embrace Jace. Without hesitation, Alec dropped to his knees by Jace’s feet, pressing his forehead against his knee. Jace entangled one hand in the unruly hair and to Magnus’ surprise, he saw both boys relax immediately. When Jace started to stroke Alec’s hair, Magnus took that as his sign to start the procedure.</p><p>“Alright then.”</p><p>He let his magic fly and let it work, extracting all traces of the strange magic that was interwoven with the rune.</p><p>As soon as Alec felt Jace’s body tense and the tug to his hair bordering on painful, he pressed his face harder into his knee, reminding him that he was there and that everything was as it was supposed to be; keeping Jace grounded in the shared moment. He smiled when he felt Jace’s body relax again, the strokes to his hair getting gentler. He nuzzled his face on Jace’s knee and had to suppress a content sigh.</p><p>“All done.” Magnus drew back his magic. He felt slightly tired; the task had required more than he originally thought.</p><p>Jace looked up, but without pausing to comb Alec’s hair. “Thank you, Magnus.” His voice was honest. He truly meant it. He was glad to be rid of the magic that had bound him to Valentine.</p><p>Alec didn’t move. He just stayed in his place by Jace’s feet, a slightly blissed out expression on his face.</p><p>Quietly, Magnus left the room</p><p>This time, Jace was the first to wake up. It was already dark, around midnight if he had to guess. As he felt rested enough, he got up. There was something he needed to do. He pressed a kiss to his lover’s forehead, got dressed, and left the room quietly.</p><p>Jace realized that he still had no idea where they were, but the layout of the house was simple and he found his way to the living room easily. Magnus was sitting on a comfortable-looking couch, a drink in hand, which he circled slowly.</p><p> “Magnus. May I?”</p><p>“Jace. Sure. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Better, actually. The effects of your spell from the portal are finally gone. And it is good to know that I’m no longer connected to Valentine. Thank you, again.”</p><p>Magnus nodded. “Brother Zacharia will shortly join us. He can remove the rune entirely.”</p><p>But Jace shook his head. “I think it is better to leave it as it is. It still looks like a real one. And we all know that no glamour can fake the Circle rune. But like this, I can glamour myself and pose as somebody else, someone from the Circle. Might come in handy.”</p><p>“But it will also remind everyone of who you have been.”</p><p>Jace laughed a little. “And you think they will forget when I don’t carry the rune any longer? No, everyone knows who I am. They will just have to deal with it. I will have to deal with it.”</p><p>“So, you really expect us to forgive you. All that you have done?” Magnus’ voice sounded softer than the harsh meaning of the words let on.</p><p>Jace shrugged. “Did I do terrible things? Yes. Do I feel remorse? Also, yes. Do I think I’ve earned forgiveness just yet? I don’t know. But forgiveness is not a necessity. We need to trust each other to the extent that we start to rely on each other. Only together do we stand a chance against Valentine. Against the Clave. But speaking of forgiveness, when do you think you earned your redemption, Magnus?”</p><p>Their eyes met and shortly Magnus’ cat eyes flashed. “What do you mean?” Now he sounded deadly.</p><p>“Oh, come on, Magnus. There is no need to pretend. It is well known that in your youth you followed your father. Asmodeus, the King of Hell. What did you do for him?”</p><p>Magnus sighed. He didn’t like to be reminded of the dark side of his past, but the boy was right. He had done horrible things in the name of his father. He had felt the regret and turned away – just as Jace had done. He sighed again.</p><p>“But, actually, I am not here to discuss our dear families,” Jace stated, interrupting his thoughts. Magnus raised an eyebrow at that.“You will not tell anyone what you saw today.” It was not a question, more a statement bordering on an order. “If we want to win this war, we need a leader. We need Alec. He can unite this rebellion.”</p><p>“And you think, when the word gets out, that he kneels willingly for you…” Magnus left the sentence unfinished.</p><p>Jace snorted. “You know how narrow-minded people are. They will consider him weak, even though he is the strongest person I know. Being with me is already a risk to the cause, to his leadership. As I will always be the old Circle member. But we all need him as a leader.”</p><p>“I don’t think he is so keen on leading.”</p><p>“And that is precisely why he is the best leader there is. I’ve seen leaders who want to lead. Who would do anything just to keep this lead. Alec will do everything to achieve our goal – no matter where it leaves him. That’s why we need him.” Jace was sure of that. Without Alec, the rebellion didn’t stand a chance. </p><p>“I agree. He is the leader this rebellion needs. He can bridge the gap between Shadowhunters and Downworlders. With him, we have a chance to win. Your secret is safe with me.” Magnus locked eyes briefly with Jace and nodded to emphasize his words. </p><p>“Good.” Jace smiled at him, but the smile didn’t hide the deadly gleam in his eyes.</p><p>“So, basically, you came down here to threaten me after I freed you from that rune.” Magnus’ voice was a mixture between annoyance and amusement.</p><p>Jace smirked. “Precisely. But I’m glad I didn’t need to. We are already on the same page.”</p><p>When Magnus looked at him, he saw Jace’s eyes light up golden with all the angelic power he possessed. Maybe not a threat, but clearly a warning.</p><p>“Good night, Magnus.”</p><p>Jace turned on his heel, leaving a somewhat speechless Magnus behind. </p><p>Magnus couldn’t help but chuckle lightly before he murmured lowly to himself, but without any heat in it:</p><p>
  <em>Asshole.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and commenting, it really means a lot to me.</p><p>Please let me know if you are interested in a sequel that features the resistance's fight against a Clave under Valentine's command - and of course the further development of Jace's and Alec's relationship.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos &amp; comments are loved 💙</p><p>Die Ärtze - Schrei nach Liebe</p><p>Du bist wirklich saudumm<br/>Darum geht's dir gut<br/>Hass ist deine Attitüde<br/>Ständig kocht dein Blut<br/>Alles muss man dir erklären<br/>Weil du wirklich gar nichts weißt<br/>Höchstwahrscheinlich nicht einmal<br/>Was Attitüde heißt</p><p>Deine Gewalt ist nur ein stummer Schrei nach Liebe<br/>Deine Springerstiefel sehnen sich nach Zärtlichkeit<br/>Du hast nie gelernt dich zu artikulieren<br/>Und deine Eltern hatten niemals für dich Zeit<br/>Oh oh oh,<br/>Arschloch</p><p>Warum hast du Angst vorm Streicheln<br/>Was soll all der Terz<br/>Unterm Lorbeerkranz mit Eicheln<br/>Weiß ich schlägt dein Herz<br/>Und Romantik ist für dich<br/>Nicht bloß graue Theorie<br/>Zwischen Störkraft und den Onkelz<br/>Steht 'ne Kuschelrock LP</p><p>Deine Gewalt ist nur ein stummer Schrei nach Liebe<br/>Deine Springerstiefel sehnen sich nach Zärtlichkeit<br/>Du hast nie gelernt dich zu artikulieren<br/>Und deine Eltern hatten niemals für dich Zeit<br/>Oh oh oh,<br/>Arschloch</p><p>Weil du Probleme hast, die keinen interessieren<br/>Weil du Schiss vorm Schmusen hast, bist du ein Faschist<br/>Du musst deinen Selbsthass nicht auf andere projizieren<br/>Damit keiner merkt was für ein lieber Kerl du bist<br/>Oh oh oh</p><p>Deine Gewalt ist nur ein stummer Schrei nach Liebe<br/>Deine Springerstiefel sehnen sich nach Zärtlichkeit<br/>Du hast nie gelernt dich arti zu kulieren<br/>Und deine Freundin die hat niemals für dich Zeit<br/>Oh oh oh<br/>Arschloch, Arschloch, Arschloch</p></blockquote></div></div>
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